I only blog when something sits in my mind and writes and rewrites itself, waiting to come out. So here I am, the day after the Florida School shooting, reliving some feelings that I want to give a voice to.
This past week, a local 14 year old boy was killed in a horrible snowmobile accident. My husband knows the family, and I went to school with many of the Jaeckels, so it hits home. This young man was a week apart in age from my Noah. I'm so sad, thinking of the devastation this family is going through. I'd like to say, "I don't know how you feel, I don't know what I'd do".....but unfortunately I do know what they feel. I know that feeling of burying your child. It will change their lives forever.
Now what I'm about to say, is not meant to offend anyone involved in the school shooting in Florida, and I hope my words come out sensitive and empathetic. I'm not being selfish, I'm only trying to express what went through my mind after Thomas death.
After my Thomas died, I felt the world sorta stopped for me. I was grieving, and people were grieving with me. Walking out of the visitation we heard sirens. The town of Fort Atkinson lost 4 teens that night in a horrible car accident. Four promising kids leaving a Jefferson County Republican dinner where they were just honored by our Governor. Everything shifted, just like that. Then, the events of September 11th occurred. Our world was under attack, and the whole world was grieving, but not for my loss, but for the loss of all the people killed that horrific day. I was left feeling like, "hey, I'm still missing my boy!" But that isn't how society works. Life and people move on to the next heartbreak. My grief never leaves me. I'm sure every single person that's lost anyone feels the same way, but to me, its my grief....and it affects me the most. Its real, its raw, and its personal.
What I'm trying to get across is this.......right now, my heart is aching for the Jaeckel family. They had to bury their son, brother, grandson, cousin.....today. But the world is talking about the Florida shooting, while these people are enveloped in the grief that only they know. The world is moving so fast. People seem to forget that life doesn't stop and let you catch up on the next devastating story.
So when you find yourself face to face with a parent that just lost their child.....give them the respect to honor the memory of that child. Let them know, your mind and heart is focused on them, and their grief. The worse feeling in the world as a parent who has experienced this, is that people will forget.
Why on earth would you think of my 6 year old son, when the twin towers just collapsed?
It doesn't mean I don't hurt for all those people, I do. I just wanted the small little world I live in, daily, to remember, I'm here, and Thomas was here. We all grieve in our own way. I'm finding now, 17 years later, I never really grieved in a deep cleansing grief. I couldn't. I had girls to raise. Life went on. But let me tell you, that darkness catches up with you.
My heart is broken for the Jaeckels. I mean truly breaking. The world is already on to the school shooting.....but I know the cloud they're under, and I'm holding them up in prayer, hoping they find the peace of God that helps me. John sounded like a true child of God, a boy who knew his Savior, and where he would spend eternity. That in itself is a gift of some peace. I encourage Jim and Denise to read I Thessalonians 4:13-18. We will see our boys again. And what a glorious day that will be.
Keep them in your prayers.....
Kim
Basically I'm a stay at home farm wife. All my kids are grown and out of the house living their own lives. I'm real. I write. I bake. I cook. I cry. I laugh. I try to put up with everyday life, while trying to be a good farm wife, mom, and grandma. I have a sense of humor many don't quite understand. Trust me, if you get me, you'll be a forever friend.
