We all paint these pictures of who we want everyone to see. But do you ever just wish you could say what you really want to say without any judgement or feedback? Sometimes it just feels good to say something, without anyone responding at all. We live in a world that is so politically correct and so sensitive that you really have to think about what you say, and the consequences that could follow. I find that sad. It makes me harbor, and store my feelings, that should really get out or they'll eat me alive.
So how do I cope?
I often tell Mac, I feel like I have a million post-it notes scattered in my head, can I please read them all to you to just get them out?
I have to let things out, but it doesn't necessarily mean I want opinions, or advice.
I'm a very private person actually. You'd probably never guess that.....I mean, why do I write this blog and tell you my innermost feelings? Why does it look like I post my private life on social media? To be honest and fair, I don't share my most private life, and I have to always critique what I write to protect those dear too me. I have my own inner thoughts, and inner demons, that I deal with every single day.
I share what I choose to share. I have ways and resources to say things I need to say, in a private way. For those of you in that inner circle, you know who you are. <3
But this isn't even my point. My point is, what do you do to let all those inner battles out? Life can suck, life can really be hard and be quite exhausting. At least to me it can be. If I don't channel myself into positive habits to even the pendulum, sometimes its hard to get back on my own two feet. But I always do, whether through humor, my bible, my family....or wine.
For instance.....my week last week, it was very rough. I was in a dark, deep place that made me feel worthless and sad.
When I'm feeling like that I turn to music, or I cry. I let myself feel sorry for myself, just for that moment, however long it has to last. I cocoon myself into my own private shell.....or hell, whatever you want to call it. I literally spent my time listing to the Casting Crowns "Lifesong" playlist for the last week. There's a few songs on that album (am I suppose to say album anymore), that hit me so hard and helped me realize its okay. I have made it up out of this hole, and I am stronger in the end. because of it.
I'm not afraid to say I have a very strong faith in Jesus Christ. I'm also not afraid to say some days I love listening to Seether, or Theory of A Deadman...loud. But some days I need that Casting Crowns or Big Daddy Weave, also loud. Most weekends I have a glass (or two) of wine. I try to be kind to everyone I meet, and I try to spread kindness whenever possible, but I'm human, a honest human.
I want you to know its okay to be real, to be honest, and to lose it every now and then. I'm not looking for pity. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm showing you that I am real. I am honest. I lose it every now and then. For me, I find a good playlist to cry to, to mend whatever is ailing me, or to just listen to. If you find yourself in that place, try the playlist I mentioned above. It helps me work through my feelings with the reminder Christ is my backbone.
I'm not really sure what the point of this blog is, but it helped me express more of who I am to you.
Whether you're having a good day, a bad day, a good week, or a bad week.....keep yourself in check, and find ways to channel those emotions to come out to the light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm thankful for the feedback I get. I'm thankful for you reading this. I'm thankful we don't have to go through this alone.
