Another Loss....

When I'm sad, or feeling overwhelmed I write. Usually I write in one of my many journals, but sometimes I get brave and write for you, on my infrequent blog.

This morning the unexpected happened....we lost our sweet little dachshund Bella. We had no warning really. Yesterday she was acting a bit slow and didn't wanna play much. As she laid next to my bed last night I woke about 10:30 to hear her making that dreadful "vomiting noise"......every dog owner knows that sound. It's awful, especially when you're in a dead sleep. Anyway, I got up and saw she had vomited a very small amount and took her outside for a pee. She walked outside, went pee, ran up the steps and came in acting "off". When Bella is ill, I always put her in her crate next to my bed to avoid vomit/and or diarrhea on my carpet....She doesn't mind the crate when its right next to my bed and went back to sleep. I awoke this morning about 5:45 hearing a small little whimper. I opened the crate to let her out to go potty. She couldn't get up. I picked her up out of the crate and Bella couldn't stand or lift her head. I carried her downstairs yelling for Noah to get up. 
We called Mac home from work and observed her for a bit in the living room. She was unable to stand, and seemed almost in a trance. I contacted the vet clinic and we drove there immediately hoping someone would be there when we arrived. 
After one look at her, the vet believed that she was dying, before our eyes. Within the last 24 hours, Bella's little body was internally bleeding from what they think was a tumor that was attached to her spleen. The vet believed cancer was the cause of this. There was nothing we could do. 
How long did she have cancer? We'll never know. But I do know she loved us to the very last few hours of her life, giving us no heartache of ever having to watch her suffer. 

Suffering is no stranger to me. I've had losses much bigger than this. Losing a child is a completely different loss, and I don't want to be told it is the same. It's not. 
But pets are something that we can always rely on to love us, no matter what is going on in our life. Bella loved us so much. She was spoiled as much as any dog could be. She was my little sidekick for almost 12 years. My heart is aching today.....and it will continue to ache, for a very long time. 

This time of year is always hard on me. Next month marks the nineteenth anniversary of my sweet boy Thomas's death from brain cancer....I don't need to write about that, because you all know that horrible story. That's another blog. 

So what's this blog about? I don't know. I suppose it was tell you how I'm feeling after losing my dearest Bella. I wanted to thank all of you that have expressed sympathy and kind words to us. Saint Patrick's Day will never be looked at the same. 

On a lighter note, Mac's not making me make the dreaded Corned Beef and Cabbage meal today. I really dislike making it....