Quarantine Reality

So......its been a month now that we've been under this "safe-at-home" or "stay-at-home" ruling.....how are you really doing? I feel for the parents that get no break......yeah, I said it......parents need a break. I'm starting to really feel the mental ramifications of it. You don't realize how just a few hours out with your spouse, or a few hours out to Marshall's really stabilizes your sanity.

It's Friday night and I have this thing that I don't cook on weekends....well, except during planting and harvest time.....its planting season. I'm sitting home alone waiting again for Mac to get home. You'd think after 25 years of this I'd be okay with it....but it still sucks. And to be honest, I hate even saying that....I have people I care about that have lost their husband or wife.....so why do I kimplain?

Everything is so politically correct that one is afraid to say anything. But then I remember that this is my blog and I can say whatever I want......this is just my simple reality. I'm tired of all of this. I'm tired of not being able to go out for a pizza and glass of wine with my husband. I'm tired of not being able to go to a grocery store without feeling guilty for saying hi or walking too close to friends.

I can't have a normal baby shower for Jessica's first baby. I can't even go to the hospital when she has her baby.....if this is still in place when he decides to come into this crazy world. I have friends and relatives that have to sit in a parking lot while their loved ones have procedures done, or tests that are life threatening. It's just too much.

I just want you to know, I'm always thinking of YOU. I'm always thinking of others and how it affects them. I do that so often I forget to think about myself. Is that the correct thing to do, or are we so focused on this self love logic that I'm supposed to put myself first? I don't know how to feel. I don't know how to NOT offend people when I say no, I can't. It's not in my DNA. I've always put others first....and I'm to the point that its caught up to me. I ended up with Shingles, and I've been dealing with migraines...is this from stress? I don't know. What I do know is this......we're all in this. We all have issues. We all have misfortunes. We all have hardships. No one is immune from this pandemic.  I just want it over. Some have it worse than others, I know that. I'm not discrediting anyone, or any profession. Just don't get caught up in the "you're fine cause you're not doing what someone else is doing'....we're all wired differently, and we all deal with stress and high pressure situations in our own way. I'm tired. Don't take it personal if I'm just not "me"......this is just how I'm dealing.

So hang in there. Hopefully this will all be over soon. Love you~