What's Your Coffee Cup Telling You?

Time for me to write another heart felt blog...I have battled in my head for days whether to post it or not, but writing always makes me feel a bit better, and I do appreciate the feedback from my listeners, so here ya go.......another raw "me  moment".

Two things came to my mind as I looked down at my coffee cup this morning. 

1) Is it half empty? Or, is it half full?
2) Then there's the lipstick on the rim.

Sounds strange, but I had this analogy from that one image. I've fallen into a slump, and I'm trying to dig my way out. I know it's all about how I look at things, optimistically, or to be pessimistic. Each day, or lately, each hour, I have to consciously make that choice. 
April sucks for me. This is the month my 6 year old Thomas died in my arms, from brain cancer in 2001. 
My slump of April started before this, but this will only compound my heavy heart. 

Now look at the lipstick analogy on the rim of my coffee cup. This reminded me that I still got it. I actually put lipstick on this morning, that's a positive, self realization,  that I care for myself. 
With all that said, remember we're worth it. Sometimes things aren't perfect, and things can be really hard and take longer to work through. 

My doctor told me over a year ago, if you're hiding grief in there, it's gonna find a way to seep out. I've tried to ignore it for so long, and it makes me feel weak to admit it. I'm always the strong one, at least that's what I've made everyone around me to believe. 

As Moms and Dad, when you lose a child and have other children, you gotta be the strong one, gotta keep holding it all together to keep the children you have left in your care, safe, cared for, nurtured, and loved. Then, one day you find yourself in a big old dose of reality. You've raised those kids, they're okay, they are healthy, strong, good, God fearing people. Then, you see that they're good, but you are not. 
The cliche' of, "it gets easier"  isn't always the truth. Your health, physically and mentally has taken a beating from the inside, and now the scars are too big to keep safe tucked away. They start showing. The grief takes on false identities....such as physical pain, sleeplessness, anger, irritability, sadness.....all things that are trying to mask what is really wrong. 
I recognize it now. I think I always did. My problem is/was, I'm strong enough to do this alone, or, it'll pass. 

So, if you're feeling grief from a loss, don't be afraid to admit it. Don't wait 18 years to realize it's okay. I'm fortunate to have a well grounded support system around me. After all, I raised these kids........😉....