Five Kids!

I wasn't sure how to approach this subject, its on a more serious note this time. I've thought about this so many times, but as I contemplated what to blog about this time, this is the only subject that kept coming into my thoughts.  I don't blog daily, just because when I do blog, I want it to really come from my heart and not something I have to force out.

While on vacation last week, we experienced the best of everything. I mean, come on, traveling with one child is amazing.....less money, smaller rooms, no fighting between siblings, you get it. Its nice and quiet.

We were watching Noah swim in a hotel pool on our last night, and the pool area was CrAzY! Each family had at least 3-4 kids, and they were all screaming. The acoustics were nuts, the pool chlorine was blinding, and it was just "yuck."
Mac and I sat there giving each other that "get me outta here" look.
But, as a parent, you sacrifice so your kid has a good time. Noah gets it, he gets us, and said he was about done. Wink. wink.

A lady approached me and said, "you really have it easy!" This isn't the first time parents have said this to me. I never know what to say. Sometimes my mood is just looking for a release and I let them have it. Other times I just say, "yes, I do."

This brings me to my subject. Why are they looking at me and judging me because I have only one child with me at this particular time? Do strangers know me? Do you really know me? There was a time I had 3 children under the age of 6, and one of them was battling a terminal disease. I was driving every single day to Madison for chemo treatments, radiation treatments, and trying to hold it together for the other two. I have flashbacks of pulling my three little ones in one red wagon around the 4-mile block! I have no idea how I did that, its hard enough now doing it alone! lol

Mac and I also lost a baby due to a tubal pregnancy. So do I say to these unaware people, listen....I have 5 children. And then have to explain to them my life history? No.

I was getting a pedicure a few days ago, and an older lady was sitting next to me and we started talking. She was saying how wonderful it was to be out. As we divulged more into our lives, she said she was getting ready to have her 2nd round of chemo. Which, as I know, will leave her in the house for days avoiding any type of germs, because her immune system is shot.  I then told her about Thomas and she was so heartbroken for my loss. But really, I was just as heartbroken for her. She said to me, ya know, people have no idea what each other has been through. This brought me back to my own thoughts. She said her life has really been humbled and changed due to her diagnosis. Gosh, do I get this!

So, what's my point? Look around you. Look at all the people you don't know anything about, yet you're making judgement's about them. There is always someone out there who has it a little rougher, if not a lot rougher. So give people a break. Smile. Your smile might be just what they need at that particular moment.

Camouflage, Crocs, and Carhartt

For years there's been one battle in our household that I finally surrendered to.
I consider myself somewhat fashion conscience, so when we go out for a date or business dinner, I tend to help Mac along. I always suggest the "cool" jeans I've bought him, that honestly do look good on him. He'll come out of the bathroom wearing his "dark wash" carhartts. He assumes that the dark wash makes them stylish. I can't tell you how many disagreements we've had because of a pair of jeans! There's even been a few times that I fought the battle so much, that we ended up not going out!

I will purposely put the jeans I like on the top of the jeans pile, hoping he'll just slip them on. Nope. I can always tell when he's out to make me happy and wears them, but I seriously think its a "man" thing to not give in. He will say to me, "I don't tell you what to wear, so don't tell me what to wear", or "I'm a 40 year old man, I'll wear what I want!"

I get it. If he was a wimpy man he'd probably do as I say, but Mac is anything but wimpy, and will not do as I say! He wins, again.
Which brings me to the conclusion that I no longer pick out his clothes. Life has become much easier, and going out much less stressful. The most control I have with him, is ironing his shirt.

But hold on, I haven't given up just yet to this household of male dominance. Noah appreciates me putting all his clothes out neatly for him for the upcoming week. I can pick out whatever I want, and get no grief.

But then, camouflage became a problem. What is it about this fecal looking pattern that boys find so appealing? I understand if you're in the service, but everyday life? Who are you trying to hide from? Thank goodness his school has a dress code against camouflage, or I'd be destined for waving the white flag.

Now that Noah is getting older, I'm finding the same argument with him that I previously had with Mac. But I'm not competing with Carhartt, I'm competing with camouflage and crocs! I will admit, Crocs are awesome for a kid to wear on a farm, At then end of the day, there's always a hose to make them look new again. But when you get in the car for dinner, and say, "what is that smell?", you realize the barn shoes are on his feet.  Not only that, but you see the camouflage top, shorts, sweatshirt, all of it.....camouflage.

He has said too me, "why can't I wear what I want to wear?" And so, it has begun with my 12 year old. Mac usually tells him, "do as your mother says, make her happy", which I laugh, because who is he kidding, sitting there in his dark wash carhartts?

So that's my story. I've a bit of control left, but I'm sure it is on the last year. There are some arguments not worth fighting, this being one of them. But if you see us out, please know, I tried to get them dressed for the occasion! Gotta love my farmer boys!

Bye, bye Explorer...

When Mac told me we needed to get rid of my 2004 Explorer, I was elated! I mean, who doesn't want a new car? When we bought the Mini Cooper a year ago, I thought it was "my car", but its kinda turned into a summer date car.

When you're talking practicality, the mini doesn't cut it. I drive four children to school during the school year, with my carpool, and put on a lot of miles. I'm on the road almost 2 hours a day, and have been doing this for 20+ years! I need something that's good on winter roads, and good for everyday living. The mini cooper is not that car! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the mini cooper, but you're not fitting 5 of us in it. And, Mac doesn't want to put the miles on it, or drive it in the winter.

Which leads us to this morning. I went out last night and got home to Noah telling me, "Dad sold your Explorer"! Which means, I'm getting a new car. I knew this was coming, but now I'm sad. As it drove away from me this morning, I shed a tear, yep, I did. Mac just shook his head and laughed at me. But thinking about all the fun times we had in that car is bittersweet.

I remember visiting my best friend's Mom and Dad's 50th Wedding anniversary down in Illinois. Noah and I went and decided that since their house was full, we would put all the seats down and sleep in the Explorer. We laid in the back, watching the stars through the sunroof. I seriously loved that night with Noah. 

When we woke up we both started laughing because a cat had jumped up on my car in the night, and was sleeping on the sunroof glass! Have you ever seen the bottom of a cat's body pressed against glass? Its quite funny. 

I remember driving down the highway one day and my hood blew up! I was crying, and quite hysterical. I called my handy, dandy husband and of course he took care of me. But now when I think of that day, it was quite funny!

The stereo rocked in that car. The girls and I would crank the music, put on the heat full blast, roll down the windows, and pretend we were in sunny Florida in the middle of winter! 

I've delivered many field lunches in that car. Open the back, and voila, breakfast, or lunch is served!

Driving my daughter to college was a big day for the Explorer. Moving my daughter out of the house. Moving her back in the house. And, yes, moving her back out of the house. 

So you ask why I'm sad to get a new car, that's why. I've grown attached to the trusty black beast. She's gone, but I'm sure the new car will be just as filled with memories as the last. 

I hope to see it driving down the road someday, it only went to Elkhorn. I will wave, and smile, from the seat of my new shiny car, with the heat on high, windows rolled down, and the radio up high......

Dating

I am now at the age where my girls are adults and the only one left in the house is Noah. But back in the day, I had to deal with my little angels dating. How on earth am I gonna let some young man take them in their car, and leave me at home for hours on end worrying?

Well, that's where Mac's sense of humor and my "craziness" came together. 

We established a dating rule. If a boy wanted to date either of the girls, they had to go through a "3-date" process, with us!  If he "survived" three dates with Mac and I, he could take our daughter out. The dates with us were usually dinner, playing cards, all easy stuff. They also had to fill out a "date questionnaire" that had some very interesting questions on it. 

We had very different reactions from the boys, and although it was all fun and games, I was a tad serious. I will never forget one boy in particular. Mac always looked up the boy's record on CCAP (WI Circuit Court Access). The poor young chap had recently gotten a speeding ticket. The first few steps in the house, Mac said to him, "Can you tell me where you were on "such and such a date", which was the date of his offense. Then he made him confirm his name, birth date, and address. By this time, the kid was so red in the face, I was embarrassed for him. After admitting to us he had in fact been speeding, Mac assured him he WOULD NOT speed with our little sweet thing in the car. I'm surprised he didn't just leave after that interrogation. 

I had another approach, a much more serious approach. I would explain to the lad that I had lost a son, I was very respectful and kind during this conversation. At the end of the talk, I told him that I expected nothing but safe driving while my daughter was in the car. I told him that if there was any drinking, or unsafe driving, I would hunt him down and, well, I'll leave the last part of that statement open to your imagination. The poor kids were probably so scared of me that they wanted to leave at that moment, but they didn't. I never had a problem after that talk.

Just for laughs I'll share with you some of the questions and the answers they gave. No names of course...

Do your own a van? "Yes, big one, w/seats removed from the back" (this kid had a great sense of humor, but he didn't last long).

When I first met your daughter, the first thing I noticed was her "personality".

(this one took the questionnaire very seriously, he was good, but he's the one with the speeding ticket, so I think he was scared).

Needless to say, it was a fun few years with the girls and all the boys that came and went. We never had any problems with any of them. I'm sure they all thought we were nuts, but I guess nuts is better than not caring.

Now I have Noah to deal with in a few years. Lord help the poor girl that comes into his life, he has three Moms to deal with, myself, Jess and Meg. 

What makes your nose happy?

Have you ever thought about smells? Like a bad smell, or a really good smell?
One that takes you far away in your memory to a happy/or bad place?

My nose is a tell-all. Mac can walk in the door and I ask him, "where'd you get the beer?" He'll look at me like a freak. He can have one beer hours earlier and I'll smell it. I just smile and confer that I am the all knowing, all seeing wife. I don't care that he had a beer, I just want him to know I'm on to him.

What about a certain flower? I smell lavender and am immediately picturing myself at a spa, relaxing, and not worrying about what's for dinner that night.
Now smelling an Easter Lily takes me to a sad place of memories of my son's funeral. He died around Easter and the church was full of Easter Lily's. I would be sad if I couldn't smell that flower, because I like the reminder of him, but it's a "sad smell".

Being from Fort Atkinson, growing up, we drove through Jefferson a lot. Now if you're from Jefferson, or that area, you'll know what I'm talking about.....the dog food factory! I LOVED that smell.
Call me crazy, but I'd stick my nose out the window and take a big whiff of the grainy food smell. Now that smell, takes me to my childhood.

Fresh bread, who doesn't love that? It makes me want to find a robust bottle of wine and dip it in balsamic and oil. And why on earth doesn't Mac think this is enough for supper? Life would be so much simpler for me if I could serve bread and wine once a week!

Smelling coconuts makes me think of being on a beach. Oil and dirt make me think of my Father, coming home from work, looking all sweaty and smelling like a "working man".

How about this....a skunk? I actually smell a skunk, and yes, its nasty, but I think again of Thomas! His favorite stuffed animal was a beanie baby skunk, named Stinky.

Another one of my favorite childhood smells, was my Uncle David's cherry tobacco pipe. Now that smell is amazing. Every now and then I'll go to their home in Janesville and get a burst of that smoky, cherry fragrance. If he's been in his garage enjoying a smoke, I can smell that. I close my eye's, and I'm right back to family Christmas. I don't condone smoking, but hey, if they'd invent a candle with that exact smell, I'd buy it!

Living on a farm, I get LOTS of different smells thrown at me. Every morning the cow manure gets taken out. I hate that smell. I hate the smell of corn silage. But when they're cutting the fresh hay? Heavenly.
Now if a cow takes a #1, I can smell that putrid smell from the pasture, its awful!

Smells are so psychological, but they transform us to enjoy so many memories. What would we do without them? Think of your favorites, and your least favorites. 

Now go about your day....and please, stop and smell the roses.

3rd Wheel

As we went to see the new Minions movie last weekend, the usual scene played out, me walking behind the boys, as they say, "Coming Pokey?"
I'm so used to this behavior from them, and its fine with me. Being the only female in the house, I'm actually the queen of this castle, but sometimes it doesn't appear that way.

 I embrace the fact that in about 6 years, it will be just Mac and I. I look forward to that day when we can just do things together as a couple, but I'm not wishing this time to pass too quickly. I get to watch firsthand the Father/Son bond that is taking place between Mac and Noah.

As we sat in the theater, the boys held the popcorn, and I ask meekly, "Can I have some?" I spread out my napkin and proceed to take a handful of the popcorn, that by now is the unsalted, non-buttered bottom of the bag. I don't mind, its healthier anyway right? Mac would gladly buy me my own bag, but I don't ask. I just sit and enjoy the movie, as I hand them the bottled water I've smuggled in my purse.

If you follow my Instagram, twitter or Facebook account, you'll see first hand the role I take in the family. There are usually no pictures of me, as I'm the photographer. I even made a Shutterfly book for Mac for Father's Day, filled with only pictures of "the boys".  My sense of humor did come out, on the back cover I had a small, but stunning of course, picture of me, and under the picture a caption read, "Made with love by Mom".

Our vacations are usually all centered around things the family can do. If I don't want to do them, Mac knows I'm completely content sitting behind reading a book. You will always hear, "wait for Mom" or "slow down, Mom's back there", and I just laugh, at least they know I'm there.

They really do know I'm there, and I know that. I'm so proud of them that I actually enjoy this role of mine. Noah and I have our own special relationship, mother and son, and that's a whole different post. He's a sensitive, kind and smart boy. He knows when Mom needs love, and he never starts his day without the usual hug and kiss. Mac never leaves the house in the morning without kissing me and telling me he loves me. He's raising a boy to love his Mother, and do everything possible to make her happy. There's no greater feeling in life, then knowing your son will make a good husband someday, because of the example we have set for him.

My first blog!

Wow, I'm finally starting a blog! I've wanted to do this for a long time, but my lack of computer skills kept me from the "try something new" phase I'm suppose to be experiencing at this stage of my life. Whoever said "learning new things at 47 is hard" was right! First off, why am I doing a blog? Well, I'm married to a farmer, I only have one child left in the nest, and quite frankly, I'm home alone a lot and find myself laughing or talking with myself because basically, nobody is here to hear me. So, I'm starting a blog to share my days with you.

I suppose I should start with a "background check" so you all know who, and what the heck I'm all about!

I live in the Midwest, and I'm married to Mac, who happens to be the busiest man I know. He's a workaholic, who loves his job, and best part, he loves me. He manages lots of land, milks cows, and only gets about 3 days off a month. But who am I to complain, I get to stay home and "eat bonbons" as he likes to tell people, never mind he has a warm breakfast and hot supper on most days. But yes, my life is quite comfortable.
My theory is, get all your "chores" done in the morning, and spend the rest of the day sipping hot tea and reading a great novel, or have a Netflix marathon.

We got married in 1998, and the butterflies have been in my tummy ever since.
Enough about him, the kids. I have a 25 year old daughter, Jessica, who just moved to Milwaukee, and teaches 4th grade. I have another daughter, Megan. She just got married a few weeks ago, and tries to live my life. She married a farmer, does a lot of baking and cooking, but unfortunately she can't stay at home and eat bonbons. She works in a Hospice type company and helps people. Nice girl! Then after the girls I had a son. His name was Thomas. He was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 4, after numerous tumors that began at the age of 2. He passed away at 6 years old. I'll forever be changed from that, and I will get into that sometimes, not to be depressing, but I feel its those experiences in life that transform us into who we are meant to be. My heart aches every day from that loss.
Last but certainly not least, I have Noah. He's a 12 year old boy who is my whole world. He has developed his father's sense of humor and sometimes I wonder if that's a good thing or bad. He, is the last of the kids living in this crazy house. We have so much fun with him, I can relate to the mother's who have only one child now, and its quite nice. But, I like to remind people, I did the 3 small kids at one time "phase", and also dealt with a very sick child along with it, so I've been there, just now its much easier. Noah spends every day at the farm in the summer, which is where I live, RIGHT ON THE FARM. Yep, tractors going by, poop wagons going by, and milk truck driving in, all of it. Its loud, smelly, and wonderful all at the same time. 
During the school year, I spend almost 13 hours a week driving to and from his private school, so my life is spent in a car during the school year. That's my "job" as Mac likes to say.