Welcome to my Week 2 "Real Face Time" blog!

Did you do Week 1? Did you call up a neighbor and spend some time together? I did! It was awesome. I called up my friend Leslie. Her and I sat and had the best time! We even included our daughters! I went to bed that night feeling refreshed and our friendship renewed.

There's just something about face to face communication that a simple text can't relay. I highly encourage you to read last weeks post and start your own face to face assignment!

So what am I doing for Week 2? 

This week (and I'm sorry we're halfway through it already), I decided I was going to send a package to a family member with a handwritten letter/note card enclosed. The gift doesn't have to be an extravagant gift....just something that lets them know you're thinking of them. I chose my brother Brian, who lives in Indiana. I sent him a T-shirt that he had commented on, on Facebook, that he liked. I wrote a nice little card with it, telling him some mushy stuff and sent it off.

I got a phone call from him thanking me for the gift and nice card! Not a text, a phone call! Making progress here people!!

So, there ya go......Week 2.........Send a small package to a family member with a handwritten note. Are you in?

Have a wonderful week!

REAL FACE TIME

Sometimes my mind just runs, far, far away. Yesterday I had an idea. I talked about my idea to Jessica and she thinks I'm onto something. So here goes.....

Over the summer we lose track of friends, schedules, and time. Facebook, Instagram, and all social media takes over our face to face interactions with people that we somehow feel we need to keep in touch with.

I've decided to make a schedule that will help ME (and maybe you too) stay in touch with people, re-connect with people, and give me the feel goods!

Each week I'll have an assignment for you to help YOU (and myself), stay in touch with people......I will tell you on the beginning of the week what your assignment is. Don't worry, it isn't going to be hard at all. You might have to get out of your box a bit, but isn't that what communication is all about?

I'd love to hear how your interactions are going. I'll be blogging about my assignments to you! I hope this helps you connect with old friends, new friends, and making real life relationships in a non-social media kind of way.

~This will be Week 1~ 

Call a neighbor that lives close, and invite them over for coffee, wine, or beverage of your choice! 

Stop and Smell the Roses

Today when I woke up I told myself I was going to take an hour or so to catch up on my "Jesus Calling" book by Sarah Young. Planning this wedding, doing all the little details left me 7 days behind in my daily book. When I read this morning I felt the Holy Spirit talking to me. I was going to write a Facebook post, but instead thought a blog entry would be more sufficient.

I found so many pages just speaking directly to me. I want to share some of them with you, and hopefully you'll gain some clarity on your own life. Whatever it is we get busy with, remember, God is in control and nothing we do with deviate the path he has chosen for us.

"Do not miss the Joy of My Presence by carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders." Whoa, this one hit me hard......I do this ALL THE TIME. I always carry my own weight, as well as many other people's shoulder weight. That is how I roll. I am a worrier. When I do this, I lose sight of the "Joy of His Presence" that comes from the Lord. I'm too busy trying to fix things out of my control, to sit and acknowledge all the blessings around me.

In Proverbs 31:35, it says, "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."

"I am the Firm Foundation on which you can dance and sing and celebrate My Presence. This is My high and holy calling for you; receive it as a precious gift. Glorifying and enjoying Me is a higher priority than maintaining a tidy, structured life. Give up your striving to keep everything under control~an impossible task and a waste of precious energy." This blows my mindset of keeping everything perfect.....I'm guilty. I wanna spend more time singing and dancing than worrying about my dishes being done, or the dust bunny forming under the table.

And finally today's reading (yes, I got caught up), "Wait patiently with Me while I bless you. Don't rush into My Presence with time-consciousness gnawing at your mind. I dwell in timelessness: I am, I was, I will always be. For you, time is a protection; you're a frail creature who can handle only twenty-four-hour segments of life. Time can also be a tyrant, ticking away relentlessly in your mind. Learn to master time, or it will be your master."

So what am I getting to? We have 10 days until the wedding...life is crazy here. I have respect for anyone who has planned a big wedding. Mac and I eloped, Megan and Derek eloped. Are we smarter? I don't know. Jess wanted a big wedding since she was a little girl, and she's gonna be a princess. Weddings are hard, and all the little details make your head spin. I'm going to try to remember what I read today, and slow down and smell the roses.

New Chapter!

Oh my gosh....its almost here! The last day of school. Not just the LAST DAY, but the last day of private school for my last child at home! I've driven carpool for 23 years! Hello, do you know how that wears on a person???? I know, I know, be grateful you were able to send your kids to private schools....I get it. But, seriously, this has been MY LIFE!

Now, its over.
How do I feel about it?

Hmm. First ECSTATIC! I mean come on, I'm adding almost 2 hours of time to my day! Secondly, happy I'll have a bit more money in my pocket. It was always a sacrifice we didn't question, we don't regret it at all.
But this is what I'll miss. I've had countless hours with Noah that will never be replaced. Spending so much time in a car creates communication. We talked, a lot. We sang, we cried, we prayed, we really bonded a lot. I've had that time with my girls as well, when they were little, but with Noah, it was a lot of alone time that is priceless. I've gotten to know my niece Emily a lot better this year....I call her my own. I'm gonna miss that time with her next year!

I went through countless books on tape, which saved my sanity. The kids didn't appreciate my books, but whatever works right? I gained countless reward points from Starbucks, Panera, Great Harvest Bread company, and any other drive thru coffee spot that kept me awake! We went through two mini vans, an Explorer, and now my Flex will be ready to rest awhile.

I'm now gonna be a Palmyra Eagle mom. Noah starts high school this Fall and we're so excited! I'll probably still drive him to school, I can handle the 8 minute drive to town! Piece of cake. We won't even talk about when he gets his license, that's a whole other milestone I'm not ready to face.

So bon voyage to that life, and hello to our new life! I'm so happy to be here.

Life After Loss

Here I am again, with some heavy stuff on my mind. March and April are always hard for me, as 16 years ago this week we were told Thomas had only one month left to live. They were right, he passed on April 18th, 2001, almost 30 days to the date of what they told us.

How has my life changed, or even continued since then? Life does go on, but it's not the same life you had before. Life is precious, life is short, and life is much more meaningful. I've found that I really don't care much about the drama life throws at me, nor do I spend too much time getting involved in things that don't directly affect me. I still pray most days that God give Thomas a little hug for me, and tell him his mama loves him so. Yes, I do that. And yes, I believe that is what God will do.

Noah is approaching the end of his middle school years. Am I sad? Yes, I'm sad that my sweet, little Noah is growing into a sweet, young man, and his baby days are gone. But, I'm so looking forward to see what he makes of his life. He's made us so proud, and I can't thank God enough for Noah, which means, "comfort". I find comfort in all the blessings God has bestowed upon me, and I also have days that I feel sorry for myself.  I feel empathy towards other parents going through what we did, and I pray for so many people that have no idea I pray for them. If I could help one child, or one parent, I would. Noah has been given a gift of empathy, and so the legacy continues.

So what was this particular blog about? I don't know, maybe just a glimmer of hope for a parent who just lost their child. My life is good, my life is humble, but my life also has a few sad chapters in it. I'm sensitive, and I'm strong, and I know all those qualities came from being Thomas' mom for almost 7 years.

Thanks for listening. I appreciate your reading my blog.

Kim

Why I'm Me.....

I haven't blogged in quite awhile, mainly because I only blog when something really hits me between the eye's and I feel my words screaming to come out. This subject has been on my mind and needs to get out, its a serious one, sorry about that.

This past week, I've learned of two children passing away that I didn't know, but knew from third party acquaintances. When the news hit me, it brought back tons of emotions for me. Just knowing what these parents are going through makes my soul cry for them. These families will never be the same. Let me tell you a little bit of what losing a child has done to me personally. Maybe if you have friends or family that have went through this, it will help you understand where they're coming from, and help you when it comes to reading their emotions a little better. 

I often times find myself thinking on the negative side of what can happen, before thinking of the positive side. After losing Thomas, now with my other kids I'm very over-protective. If the kids are not at home, they've for sure been in an accident, or worse, in my mind. I'm a bit over-protective, somewhat psycho, as they would say, lol. You can ask them, it's true. I will never change, no matter how old they are. I specifically remember having this conversation with Mac. I told him, I figured it out why I'm like this....you can't tell me to change and say, everything will be fine, because in my experience, everything wasn't fine. I know from Thomas, things didn't work out as planned. So you can't tell me it's gonna be okay. I'm the percentage of people that proved things can go wrong. I'm an over-protective mother, and my mindset will not be reprogrammed. I'm the same way with Mac. I always expect the worse is going to happen. I'm a worrier. 

Most days I'm very happy and content just being by myself. I love my family, I love the life the Lord has given me, but inside I'm always thinking of where my life would be if my son was still here with us. I look at kids that would be his age and daydream about him. Sometimes it just easier just living in my own little bubble. Just because I'm not smiling all the time doesn't mean I'm not happy, I just exist in a world that is sometimes different than yours. Look at your child next to you, now imagine him or her being plucked away from you after battling a horrible disease for 4 years? Would you smile all the time? Would you be the same person you are today? Imagine looking at every room in your home as you walk through it every single day knowing that child used to be there, but never will again. Strange isn't it? 

I'm not crazy, I'm just part of group many of you will never be in, and I hope you never will be. You will never know what this feels like. 

I just felt like telling this story today because of the two families I heard about this week. I'm praying about them constantly, I pray that God envelopes them in a peace that comforts them beyond all measure. I also pray that their families will somehow understand the silence that their souls will now take on, and not take it personally, because they're now part of this private club. 

MY UNIVERSITY

This past Halloween weekend we took Noah out for pizza in Whitewater. I was shocked at the amount of people already out and about partying at 4:30 in the afternoon! On our way to our favorite pizza spot, we avoided 2 piles of vomit on the sidewalk. Yuck. I guess I don't get the whole college scene, I never went to college. Wait, back up the train. No college? Nope. Crazy eh? Before you rush to judgement, let me explain.

I sometimes get self conscience about saying I didn't attend college. I did receive a scholarship to attend business school in Madison for becoming a court reporter, which was always my "dream job". Then I started working at a great job until something else happened....Jessica. Let me explain to you the college I attended, and continue to take.

We all make choices, and we have to live by those choices. I choose Motherhood. Do I regret this choice? Not a chance. I've given birth to 4 incredible kids. The lessons I've been taught from them is priceless, and would not be taught in a classroom. I commend everyone who goes to school, furthers their education, and makes the world a better place. But, we also need Mothers.

Jessica was my first. She taught me selflessness. Once you have a child, its no longer about "you". Your world is about that child. You can't be selfish. From that moment on, you are to care for, nurture, and make sure that child has a clear vision of what's ahead. I consider this my "freshman year".

Megan was second and the most challenging child. She was always teaching me patience. From the time she was in diapers, refusing to keep them on, I had to learn patience. I learned how to duct tape diapers on backwards, I learned early on how to control my temper. Having to call 911 because you think your 5 year old is missing is a horrible experience. But it was only Megan, hiding. She also taught me to laugh. Her mixture of humor infused with learning patience at the same time made her a complete joy! Now she is expecting her first child in March! I call this my "sophomore year".

Thomas was my third child. My hardest and most difficult "class" ever taken. This is a class I didn't sign up taking. Not many people take this class, and I almost failed at this class. But I passed, by the help of my family, and my faith. Thomas taught me loss. Learning how to deal with the loss of a child and how to go on is a tough lesson. With loss, he also taught me how to be strong. After that class I feel I can conquer anything.  I call this my "junior year".

I'm now in my "senior year". Noah. This child was given to me as a gift. I know he was a gift. I never expected to have another child after Thomas. Noah translated means "comfort". He has brought me nothing but that. So, what has he taught me? I think I worked hard my freshman through Junior year and God is blessing me my Senior year. I'm coasting through my Senior year. Is that wrong? Yes, life is tough, busy, and sometimes out of control. But Noah is a blessing I cherish and take all the comfort he is given to me. So Noah is teaching me to slow down, enjoy this life that the Lord has given me as a Mom and provider for my kids. I may not have contributed to the world, but I've contributed to the lives of these 4 kids, and that makes me feel like I've earned the diploma I was made to have.

And guess what? In March I'm starting Grad School! I'm gonna be a Grandma.....

To all the stay at home Moms....kudos....be proud of who you are! And to all the working Moms....I don't know how you do it, but the world needs a little bit of all of us.